Damn it's cold out this new year! Record breaking temperatures, snow on Christmas Day: curse you Al Gore and your The Day After Tomorrow! What lesson should we learn from this drastic weather shift? Should we turn our back on the pollution-producing ways of our forefathers? Should we continue to grasp at the fool's promise of experimental green technology?

When the familiar becomes unfamiliar, perhaps you need a foreigner to show you the way:

You're as cold as ice.
You're willing to sacrifice our love.
You never take advice.
Someday you'll pay the price.
I know.

I've seen it all before.
It happens all the time.
You're closing the door, you leave the world behind.
You're digging for gold, yet throwing away
a fortune in feelings.
But someday you'll pay.

Oh, that explains everything. Thank you, voice of reason. I think we all feel much better now.

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The end is near! When I revised the Wriphe.com blog from an all-Flash format in 2002, I created gifs for the dates for the blog through 2010. That means that today begins the final year for the original date graphics of Wriphe.com before new dates must be created for the blog for 2011. Think of this coming crisis as the WRIPHE2K11 bug, which I assure you is every bit as dire in consequence as the pending end of the Mayan calendar though with a much worse agent. (As of yet, I have no movie deal.)

Facing such a potentially disastrous future, I think it may help sooth those fraying nerves with some encouraging words by the immortal David Coverdale:

I don't know where I'm going,
but I sure know where I've been.
Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
And I've made up my mind.
I ain't wasting no more time.
Here I go again, here I go again.

Though I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for.
Oh, Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on.
Cause I know what it means
to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own,
going down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
I've made up my mind.
I ain't wasting no more time.

As we all face uncertain future, let us waste no more time hanging on the empty promises in songs of yesterday and move on with our lives. Truly words to live by.

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As I did last year, let me begin this year with a poem. Though written in 1986 (the year of Vice City!) by a future actor and professional football team owner, I believe that it speaks to a truth that holds relevance even in this day of economic and political uncertainty.

Once upon a time, not so long ago:

Tommy used to work on the docks.
Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck.
Its tough, so tough.

Gina works the diner all day.
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love, for love.

She says, "we've got to hold on to what we've got,
'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.
We've got each other, and that's a lot for love.
We'll give it a shot.

"We're half way there.
Livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand, and we'll make it, I swear.
Livin' on a prayer."

Yes, as true today as it once was. Remember, These Days, when that Lost Highway through the New Jersey of life becomes Slippery When Wet and you're a Bounce away from either a Crush against the frying pan or a fall into the 7800° Fahrenheit fire, it's more important than ever to Keep The Faith. Now go out there and Have a Nice Day.

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Actual overheard conversation at the grocery store:

Bag Boy 1: "Have you heard that new song by New Kids on the Block?"

Bag Boy 2: "Who?"

Bag Boy 1: "You've never heard of New Kids on the Block?"

Bag Boy 2: "Uh, yeah. Of course I have."

Bag Boy 1: "Oh really? Can you name any of them?"

Bag Boy 2: "No. Can you?"

Bag Boy 1: "Hell no. They were born before I was! I just know that they have a new song and it's great!"

Some days you just feel old. There's something amiss in the world when Michael Jackson has become a hounded recluse and Guns N' Roses remains in perpetual self-exiled limbo while the New Kids return to corrupt a whole new generation of children. What's next? A Color Me Badd reunion? Can the Funky Bunch be far behind?

For the record: it's Jonathan and Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, and some other guy.

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Three months in the making, my latest web project is now online: FredQuartet.com, internet home of the award winning barbershop quartet from Marietta, Georgia. (Okay, it didn't really take me 3 months to build it. It was more like 3 weeks of work with a whole lot of discussion time in between. It seems that the nature of a quartet is to pull in 4 different directions. Who knew?) Now I sleep!

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Though I don't care for parties, champagne, ball drops, singing, resolutions, hangovers, Dick Clark, or anything else that is traditionally associated with "New Years" ("why do you have to be so negative all the time?" grumbles my father), I do like to start the year out on the right foot. Therefore, I present for you my favorite poem, written almost 2 decades ago by a man destined to be a reality tv-show star, to get you in the proper mood for the New Year:

We both lie silently still in the dead of the night.
Although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside.
Was it something I said or something I did?
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you, though I tried.

But I guess that's why they say,
"Every rose has its thorn.
Just like every night has its dawn.
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song.
Every rose has its thorn."

Yes, it does. You'd do well to take these words to heart. That's not negative; it's just the way it is. I'm sure that the lesson that you learn could get you into Heaven one day.

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Back on October 24, I blogged about my affinity for Atlanta radio station 96 Rock, which has been on the air in the Atlanta area for my entire life. Apparently, Clear Channel Communications was listening. And 96 Rock is no more, out with not quite so much as a whimper.

As of November 17, 96 Rock has been replaced with Project 9-6-1, moving their focus from "classic rock" to "active rock." Frankly, I don't know what's so active about their rock, since their website advertises that they play songs from "Metallica, AC/DC, Pearl Jam, RHCP, Led Zeppelin, Soundgarden, Pink Floyd, Green Day, Ozzy, Nirvana, and Korn," 11 bands who have combined to release 4 albums in the past 3 years. Four of these bands haven't released an album in a decade!

Rodney Ho of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution wrote an article on the changeover that was published this weekend. It includes the following great quote:

John Dickey, an executive vice president for Atlanta-based Cumulus Media, said he hopes this move will benefit his station, the struggling alternative rock station 99X. "I'm surprised they dropped the name 96rock," Dickey said. "It's like blowing up the Varsity and renaming it Project Fast Food."

I suppose that there is a lesson to be learned here. Since Aesop would say that I usually learn the wrong thing, I don't think I'll dwell on this one for too long.

So long, 96 Rock. Thanks for the good times.

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I heard today that Billy Ray Cyrus is going to be on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. Billy Ray Cyrus is an extra on his daughter's show now. Does he qualify as a "Star"? Should the show be renamed Dancing With The Recurring Supporting Characters?

I had a dream once where I met Billy Ray Cyrus at a rural county fair. No lie: in the dream, he was begging people to accept his autograph while the very untalented lady at the table across from him was selling her book like Enron stock. I really felt sorry for him. I mean, I'm a big fan of his work on Doc. But I wouldn't take his autograph, either. Hey, it's a cruel dream world out there. (My dreams are frequently specifically bizarre. Last night, I dreamed that I worked in a bookstore in a law school and someone was trying to steal my computer monitor during a riot. The downside was that to save my monitor from theft, I threw it out of a two-story window. The upside was that I was mistakenly graduated from law school.)

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Sometimes posting to a blog is like being in a food fight: throw enough pie and someone's GOT to get hit in the face. (This column is going Larry King style, baby!)

• Bravo Channel is showing both The Princess Bride and Back to the Future today. Could those be two of the best movies ever made? I say yes!
• Huge underdog University of Georgia today beat (nay, CRUSHED!) the mighty Auburn Tigers, destroying any hopes Auburn had of running for the national title. Go Dawgs!
• Television advertising execs just don't understand: the current Bellsouth ads use the song "Stuck In The Middle With You" to promote that product. The song was written about sitting between recording executives. Can telecom execs be that different?
• Of all the cars I've ever owned/driven, the one I miss most is a 1985 Ford Crown Victoria LTD Country Squire Station Wagon.
• Recent studies say that happy people are sick less often than people who are optimistic or active. That means that a cynical asshole like me will likely outlive the rest of you bastards so long as I'm happy being a cynical asshole. Hooray for science!
• Julia Roberts' single sexiest film role was as Tinkerbell in Hook. Does that say worse things about her or me?
• The National Football League has a patent on confusion; it is simply impossible to tell who is any good from week to week. Some may call this parity or equality but I call it exciting. Chicago: undefeated. Dolphins: incompetent. Final score: Dolphins 31, Chicago 13. I say this, I sure look forward to December 31, when the Dolphins play the currently undefeated Colts.

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They Might Be Giants is the best band since... well, a long time ago.

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