More movies!

178. (1407.) The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)
Ugh. Roman Polanski's "horror" film is technically a comedy, although there is very little to laugh at and the ending isn't exactly happy. I would not watch it again.

179. (1408.) The Slumber Party Massacre (1981)
For years, I've been on the lookout for a movie with a particular line of dialogue. That line wasn't in this movie, but I think this was the movie that the line would have been in if it was in anything. To clarify, I'm now of the opinion that the line was fabricated, but there is a scene in this with a power drill, a girl of loose morals, and a camera angle that perfectly replicate what I would have expected to see while the line was delivered. (And no, I won't repeat the line here. Trust me, it wouldn't make any more sense without a whole lot more explaining, and none of us wants that.) As for the movie, it's a perfectly satisfying slasher flick, if you're into that sort of thing.

(If that sounds familiar, I accidentally ran that last month as my review of Sleepaway Camp. Rather than review Sleepaway Camp here, I'm correcting my mistake and have updated the original post with the right review.)

180. (1409.) Raging Bull (1980)
Ok, I've seen enough of Martin Scorsese. I can definitively say now that I don't like his movies. Yes, they are well made, but the subject matter just doesn't speak to me.

181. (1410.) X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
What exactly were Apocalypse's powers? What role do his horsemen serve? Why do I keep watching X-Men movies? The one good thing: Storm drinks Coca-Cola!

182. (1411.) Theodora Goes Wild (1936)
A typical screwball comedy of its era. A mousy author has her secret identity exposed to the world by an asshole artist, so she does what she can to ruin him... because she has fallen in love with him. It's better than I just made it sound.

More to come.

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I had a friend over to the house for an afternoon of gaming yesterday, and I very graciously offered him a Coca-Cola. He poured an entire 12-ounce can into a glass with ice... and then he only drank half of it! He poured half a Coke down my sink! Oh, the humanity!

If that's the game he wants to play, so be it. You'll never sink my battleship now, asshole.

Southern Hospitality only extends so far.

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No time like the present to get a jump on March movies watched, so let's get started!

39. (1268.) An American in Paris (1951)
Should I have seen this movie before now? Yes. Am I disappointed I waited so long? No. Music, set design, and choreography are great. But Gene Kelly plays his usual, self-centered asshole, and I just don't really like spending time with him.

40. (1269.) The Cisco Kid and the Lady (1939)
Not so long ago, Mom pointed out that the relationship between The Cisco Kid and his sidekick Pancho were the template for Hanna-Barbera's Quick Draw McGraw and his sidekick Baba Looey. That led me to this Caesar Romero western/comedy that was actually quite charming.

41. (1270.) Pixels (2015)
Frankly, it's not as bad as all the reviews make it out to be, but that could be partly because I wasted too much time (and too many quarters) in video arcades in the 1980s and am tolerant of many of the film's indulgences. Don't mistake that previous sentence as an endorsement. The editing is terrible and the movie-watching experience would be better if you walked out before the ridiculously stupid third act started. All I'm saying is it isn't The Worst Movie Everâ„¢ as some critics have portrayed it. (I *still* say that's Armageddon.)

42. (1271.) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
I loved, loved, loved the first half of this movie. The pace congeals somewhat in the second half, adding Rihanna's character is a huge mistake, and it really should have been called Valerian and Lauraline (Cara Delevingne is actually the best part of the entire movie), but the action-packed sci-fi of the first half is alone worth the whole price of admission.

43. (1272.) Darkest Hour (2017)
Damn, can Gary Oldman act! I had to remind myself it wasn't actually Churchill appearing in this biography. Totally worth a watch.

More to come.

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Who wants a Walter health insurance update? No one? Well, you're getting one anyway.

As we all know, Georgia has done its best to destroy any healthcare options for poor individuals like me, and the Republicans controlling the federal government have, to their credit, only managed to make shit worse. So now, for the third year in a row, I have to scramble to figure out what my options are. Too bad no one else seems to know, either.

Blue Cross Blue Shield has withdrawn from offering individual plans where I live in Georgia, leaving me with only Kaiser Permanente (KP) HMO options available under the Affordable Care Act. The problem here is that I cannot keep my doctor, and no urgent care facility within 40 miles or hospital within 70 miles accept the Healthcare Exchange (HIX) plans. That's... not ideal. But it might still be my best choice. At least it theoretically pays for something if, say, I was hit by a bus in New York City.

Not that I have a lot of other choices. I have looked at some off-Marketplace plans, and they are really worthless. Twelve hundred dollars per year gets me a couple of urgent care visits and not much else. Compared to that, I might as well have no insurance and just pay the tax penalty ($695).

So the KP HIX HMO plan looks like the best option for me, though only so long as I make little enough to take advantage of the low-income subsidies. (Sweet spot catch-22: if I make a little more money, I'm priced out of health insurance, and as a male, I wouldn't qualify for Medicare in the state of Georgia even if I earned nothing at all.) It is my understanding that KP has to continue to offer me the subsidies discount if I qualify even though that asshole Trump has vowed not to reimburse them, essentially guaranteeing that next year I'll have no healthcare options at all.

I've been lucky so far, but I can't stay healthy forever, guys.

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I've been sick with a cold for the better part of the past week. Two illnesses in one year is very unusual for me, and it sucks.

I assume that the same is true for most people, but when I'm sick, it feels like the color bleeds out of life. Everything is just a little bit harder to do, and nothing is worth doing anyway. I feel useless and pointless.

The worst part is that when I'm sick, just like when I'm angry or frustrated, my sense of humor abandons me. Without that, I'm just another opinionated asshole taking up valuable oxygen. The world's got enough of those in it that it doesn't need me contributing to the problem.

Maybe that's what's wrong with so many other people. Maybe they're all sick. Walking, talking bags of soured cough medicine and phlegm. Maybe the Bill O'Reillys and Harvey Weinsteins of the world really just need an extra dose of antibiotics and NyQuil — the old, good NyQuil from before drug addicts ruined it for everyone. Jerks.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed.

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Movies watched in August, part 2 of 3:

112. (1171.) Iron Sky (2012)
Generally speaking, I don't care for movies made with the intention of making fun of their own stupid concepts. I mean, if you know your concept is stupid, maybe don't make it into a movie? Or maybe I'm just too old for this shit.

113. (1172.) True Story (2015)
Jonah Hill and James Franco star in this true-crime courtroom thriller. I found it to be a very interesting concept, but the execution seemed unfocused and somewhat sloppy. It's kind of a mixed bag.

115. (1174.) The Man Who Had Power Over Women (1970)
Rod Taylor starred in this mid-life crisis dramedy that feels very much of its time. (I was frequently reminded of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice and Carnal Knowledge.) I think it could easily be remade today with very minor changes. Perhaps George Clooney could star.

116. (1175.) Strange Lady in Town (1955)
Greer Garson busts balls as the new lady doctor in a racist western town of assholes! Most of this movie acts like it's promoting gender equality, but in the end, it tales a man to save the heroine from herself. Take that, ladies!

117. (1176.) Logan Lucky (2017)
It's a shame this movie isn't drawing more money at the box office. It's really Ocean's Eleven in overalls, and people love Ocean's Eleven and overalls. I suspect this is headed for cult status once it goes to DVD and people discover it.

More to come.

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My mother has had Chewie put down.

This is actually only the second time I've ever mentioned Chewie on this blog. I never really liked the little jerk. Yes, he had a rough early few years. His life was much improved when my Mom rescued him. However, he never became what I would call an affectionate or an obedient dog. But Mom still liked him. She's put up with me for all these years, so I guess she must have developed some fondness for stubborn assholes. Go figure.

In recent months, Chewie developed Canine Cognitive Dysfunction, the dog equivalent of Alzheimer's. He walked in circles, got stuck under furniture, and stood by his full dog dish barking for food. Even for Chewie, he was becoming higher maintenance than usual, to the point that Mom could no longer meet his needs.

So that's the second dog we've lost in 2016. (The third if we count Dad's puppy, Tyr, who died in March.) We're running out.

Watch yourself, July. It's dangerous out there.

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Ok, let's finish off movies watched in May. There were some pretty good ones this time out.

48. (986.) Five Miles to Midnight (1962)
I liked just about everything about this little slice of noir suspense except the end. The protagonist deserved a better resolution, but I'm guessing that perhaps the Powers That Be felt that a happier ending might have been rewarding a bit of (justifiably) bad behavior. Disappointing.

49. (987.) The Darjeeling Limited (2007)
I've now seen every Wes Anderson film! Whoo-hoo! Actually, I disliked this film until about its midpoint, just after Owen Wilson delivers the line, "Who are these assholes?" And then it dawned on me that my dislike was what Anderson had been cultivating. The line was an ironic self-critique of the character who utters it, and from that point forward everything was much more enjoyable. He's really good at what he does, that Wes Anderson. More, please.

50. (988.) The Nice Guys (2016)
This movie is fantastic. Ryan Gosling is a comic genius, and Russell Crowe hasn't been this good since L.A. Confidential. Stop reading this and rush out and see it while it's still in theaters. You can thank me later.

51. (989.) Green Mansions (1959)
Audrey Hepburn playing a child of the jungle in a romance sounds like a guaranteed success. Too bad she has no chemistry with co-star Anthony Prrkins. This should be a better movie than it is. Don't waste your time.

52. (990.) John Tucker Must Die (2006)
Wait, you mean to tell me this misogynistic Coca-Cola and Land Rover commercial for the children of the MTV generation was directed by a woman? Sigh. It's like the junk food of movies.

53. (991.) Run Silent Run Deep (1958)
As much as I hate the idea of being on a submarine — you'll never get me one one, ever — I enjoyed the movie. It has a great cast and was plenty suspenseful.

54. (992.) Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Most of my time watching this movie was spent thinking how incredibly dumb it all was. And then we got to the 13-minute finale where a giant airplane is chased down a runway that Vulture.com estimates must have been about 28 miles long. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

More to come.

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June is Superman Month at Wriphe.com!

And what good timing it is this year, as June will see the relaunch of the DC Comics line. Again!

If those sentences sound familiar to you, that's because that's exactly how I opened last year's Superman month. Sometimes even those who know their history are doomed to repeat it.

For the second time in the span of a year, DC really has rebooted Superman. I'm guessing they looked at their sales figures and finally realized that people really, really didn't like New 52 Superman. So they killed him off. Ironically, sales on the death issues have been through the roof. Have I mentioned how people really didn't care for the New 52 Superman?

Back is the Superman who "died" in 1992. (He got better in 1993. Unlike the New 52 version, you can't keep that that Superman down.) This is your father's Superman, and thank Rao for that.

The best part of all this is that just before killing off the New 52 Superman, DC created another new Superman who was literally a flaming asshole. (Well, the "flaming" part was literal.) His whole reason for existing, story wise, was to paint the dying New 52 Superman as the "not as bad" one. That's like introducing a lying egomaniac Trump into the race because Hillary is a lying egomaniac. Sorry, but I'll keep holding out for an option that doesn't totally suck.

Superman is dead! Long live Superman! (You might want to bookmark this post. I have a feeling we might need it again next year.)

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The people who work at the veterinarian's office now recognize me on sight. Sometimes you don't want to go where everybody knows your name.

Earlier this week during our daily walk, Victoria got weak and collapsed. I took her to the vet. Her blood work came back indicating that her thyroid had stopped functioning. The vet considered that good news. He was worried that it was her heart. Whew!

The last vet visit was for July's meibomian adenoma (er, a benign cyst on her eyelid), so I guess it was Victoria's turn. I would prefer it if they could go a month without needing medical care. I want them to be happy and healthy, but I didn't really think the day would come where I was spending more each day on my pet's health than my own, especially considering that Obamacare means I'm now paying $300/month for the peace of mind knowing that if I have to go to the emergency room, it will only cost me only thousands instead of ten thousands.

(I'm this close to voting for the next asshole who promises me that he'll cancel Obamacare because he wants to give bigger tax breaks to Wall Street banks. Stones and Walters only have so much blood.)

Anyway. Victoria is now on a course of antibiotics and thyroid medication, which, while expensive, are cheaper than heart surgery. We'll check back with the vet next month to see how things are going. So long as the vet will still take my credit card, Victoria doesn't have anything to worry about.

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