With Wonder Woman being the first DC Comics movie in recent memory to earn critical acclaim, it's becoming common to see people on the Internet praising last year's much maligned Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, which introduced Gal Godot's Wonder Woman character, as a misunderstood "hidden gem" or "cult classic." Some are calling it an artistic triumph. I'm going to have to call bullshit on that.

I suppose it's possible that professional critics, who gave the movie a 27/100 on Rotten Tomatoes and a 44/100 on the less exclusive Metacritic, were completely off base and the film is a genuine masterpiece detailing previously unexplored aspects of the shared human condition. Much was made earlier this week when director Zack Snyder confirmed one online fan's theory about hidden symbolism and Superman's inner motivations. Wow. That must have been some great symbolism if no one noticed until the movie had been out for a whole year!

I haven't seen BVS:DoJ. I don't waste time on movies I know I'll hate. However, I'm one of the few comic book fans who didn't. The movie grossed $330 million in America, and an additional half a billion dollars overseas. There's nothing hidden about a movie everyone has actually seen.

I'm willing to conceded that most people just like to see computer-generated things explode. That's totally their right. I'm not even going to lie about my own preferences. I've certainly seen Rocky IV more times than I've watched any single Shakespeare play. I own two copies of The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. I can quote most of Roadhouse. My love for those movies doesn't actually make any of them good.

So let's let Batman V Superman go, all right, Internet? You can watch it if you want to, and you can even like it. But please don't confuse the shoddy object of your enjoyment with something possessing any real substance. That's how we got a Trump in the White House.

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Five movies watched in March:

30. (1089.) Creed (2015)
This is a fine movie for a Rocky film. I mean, it is a Rocky film, so there's not much in the way of suspense. (I laughed and sang "Montage" from Team America: World Police during the obligatory training montage scenes.) But if you like Rocky films — and who doesn't? — this definitely is one.

31. (1090.) The Lego Batman Movie (2017)
Ah ha! So they can make a fun, lighthearted Batman film. This movie is a tribute to all levels of Batman fandom. It's not perfect (pacing is an issue as the movie reaches its inevitable it's-all-about-the-Bat-family climax (which, let me say, is something that the DC Comics haven't understood for years), but it is plenty good enough. Recommended.

32. (1091.) Terminal Island (1973)
Not that I need an excuse to watch a 1970s exploitation film, but I watched this specifically because TCM advertised it featured Tom Selleck. While "feature" might be overselling it, Selleck is present and does play an important, if smallish, role. This wasn't a complete waste of time.

33. (1092.) Unbroken (2014)
While I certainly don't want to belittle the accomplishments of the protagonist, I found the execution to be a little too dry to be all that engaging. The dryness is common in films written by the Coen brothers, as this one was, though when they direct their own work they are generally able to inject a bit of wry irony that probably wouldn't have been appropriate here. I guess my takeaway here is that not every subject is right for every writer.

34. (1093.) Madea Goes to Jail (2009)
This is the first Medea film I'd seen, and I have to say, "I get it." (Not every movie has to be a grab for Oscar.) The character is the life of this picture, and every moment she's on the screen is enjoyable. Too bad that Medea plays a subplot in her own movie. The main story, a successful lawyer dealing with a mistake of his past, is a dull waste of cinema. However, I do now look forward to seeing some more Medea movies.

More to come.

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Movies to start December!

105. (1043.) The Squall (1929)
Californian Myrna Loy plays a racist stereotype of a European gypsy doing terrible gypsy things, which mainly consists of seducing stupid men. I found it completely believable. (Damn sexy gypsies! *shakes fist at sky*)

106. (1044.) The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again (2016)
I don't get it. I don't understand the point of remaking a movie exactly like its predecessor. This remake went out of its way to look and sound sound like the original (which it openly references at point, such as a crack about Meatloaf for dinner). The music was over produced, and for a film celebrating deviancy, everyone is just too damn pretty. The polish here only shows how much more creative the original was. Watch that instead.

107. (1045.) Beloved Infidel (1959)
A film based on F. Scott Fitzgerald and his romance with gossip columnist Sheilah Graham. I watched it to learn a little more about the final years of the great novelist, but it might as well be yet another remake of A Star is Born, with Graham in the up-and-comer role.

108. (1046.) The Prizefighter and the Lady (1933)
This is another early Myrna Loy movie. She's a (badly dubbed) singer who falls for (real life) boxer Max Baer. It's got a bit of a Rocky vibe, where the romance is more important than the boxing, even to the boxer.

109. (1047.) Night Flight (1933)
Myrna Loy has a very small part in this as the wife of a pilot. That's okay. Clark Gable has an equally small part as a pilot (though not her pilot). The main plot involves a couple of Barrymores. It's not as great as it wants to be, but it's hardly bad.

More to come.

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Mom went out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday, so she wasn't here when I backed over the mailbox. She felt so bad when she scratched the rear bumper on her car last month, I felt it was only fair to scratch the rear bumper on my car to match. I'm considerate like that.

The up side of running over my own mailbox and having to reset the concrete base is knowing what I did wrong on my first try. Last time, I put it too near the road and wasn't able to sink the post low enough. Problem corrected. While I was at it, I went ahead and used the pickaxe to properly embed the flower trellis in the rocky ground behind it. (Previously, it just leaned sadly against the mailbox.)

All said and done, the mailbox looks good, maybe even better than before. But please don't tell Mom. I'd prefer she didn't know I ran over the mailbox. (It's kind of embarrassing.)

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All in all, April was a pretty good month for movies. April movies, part 2:

61. (368.) The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)
Hammer horror at its best. I didn't realize until I saw this that Rocky Horror Picture Show was specifically spoofing this movie in the equipment used to create Rocky. Amusing.

62. (369.) The Lady Vanishes (1938)
A fantastic Hitchcock movie. Why does Vertigo get all the press?

63. (370.) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2 (2013)
This is the second half of Warner Brothers animated version of a 25 year old comic book. The story hasn't aged well.

64. (371.) Richard III (1955)
Another Shakespeare play I'd never seen. It is similar to Othello in that the lead character spends a lot of time telling the audience about the horrible things he's planning to do before he shows us, but I enjoyed it far more. Maybe I'm just racist.

65. (372.) Remember Sunday (2013)
A much promoted Hallmark Hall of Fame romance that retreads the concepts of Groundhog Day poorly. Boring.

66. (373.) The Campaign (2012)
Yet another Will Ferrell movie that is not half as clever or funny as it thinks it is. Dan Ackroyd and John Lithgow are highlights.

67. (374.) Seven Chances (1925)
I have a general rule that for a feature film to make this list, it has to be at least an hour long. However, Buster Keaton's silent comedies are far too good to be counted out, so I'm willing to add a few extra minutes to this film to get it included on my list. I Think it earned inclusion, especially with an opening scene in Technicolor!

68. (375.) The Man Who Wasn't There (2001)
I absolutely love that the Coen Brothers never make the same type of film twice. Excellent noir.

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Today's Tennessee/UGA game was like none other I'd seen in Sanford Stadium, and not because the Pride of the Southland Marching Band only played "Rocky Top" 16 times. It started as expected with the Bulldogs jumping out to a huge lead against the rival Volunteers. By the end of the first quarter, the Dogs led 21-10 with the Vols only touchdown coming off an interception return.

Everything pointed to a rout in the making, so I felt comfortable to go to the concession stand to buy a pretzel and Coke. This took forever, as lines were long with carefree fans, and the first concession stand I went was sold-out of pretzels, forcing another wait in different, longer line. While I was queuing, I saw Todd Gurley score again on the closed-circuit television and figured we'd be going home from the game early. How wrong I was.

I returned to my seat in the nick of time to watch Georgia turn the ball over twice inside the 20-yard line, essentially giving Tennessee a tie going into halftime. Things didn't get much better in the second half as UGA just couldn't put Tennessee away. Georgia prevailed in the end with a couple of timely interceptions by Sanders Commings, but with 95 points in a very long game, this did not turn out to be the afternoon/evening that anyone in attendance had expected.

I should point out that I went to the game with Dad, a Georgia Tech graduate. Today Georgia Tech lost to Middle Tennessee State, 49-28, and the news of that final score surprised everyone who heard it. However, everyone didn't hear it at the same time. Throughout the game it was very amusing to hear exclamations from various people as they discovered the final score in the Tech loss, each new shout of discovery triggering a grimace from my father. Good times, good times.

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In the past 10 days, I've watched the following movies in the following order:

• MacGruber (awesomeness in a film)
• X the Unknown (I started it thinking it was a Quatermass film. It isn't.)
• The Rocky Horror Picture Show (the only movie on this list that I had seen before)
• When in Rome (Kristen Bell: 'nuff said)
• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (predictable but captivating)
• The Color of Magic (as funny as the book)
• Ong Bak 2: The Beginning (great action, lackluster story)
• Gamer (oh, so terrible)
• A Town Called Panic (delightfully absurd)
• The Girl who Played with Fire (not as good as its predecessor)
• Lucas (the football scenes are laughably unrealistic)

Between Rocky Horror and When in Rome, I started The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, but I just couldn't get into it. Terry Gilliam movies typically look great and are too long. I learned a long time ago that if I can't get into a Gilliam movie early, it's best to bail before I've wasted too many hours. This one had so much incongruous cgi up-front, distracting from the awesome make-up and stage sets, that I decided to cut my losses at the 20 minute mark.

Also I had planned on watching The Losers before Gamer, but I instead watched the UGA vs. Florida game and got my fill of losing another way. Unfortunately, I also lost by watching Gamer, a pitifully stupid and stale remake of The Running Man.

This entire time I've been watching movies on Netflix, TCM, and FMC, the DVD of the remake Hairspray has been sitting on my kitchen table. Poor, unloved Hairspray.

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Going into today's game, Tennessee and Georgia were tied for worst in the SEC East. Fortunately for UGA, Tennessee seemed shell-shocked after their denied defeat of LSU last week. (Tennessee thought that they had won that game only to surrender the game to LSU on an Illegal Participation penalty.) Things did not go significantly better for Tennessee this week against a UGA team desperate for a win.

Even the normally affable, temporary Uga-substitute mascot Russ turned his back on the distraught Tennessee mascots (both Smokeys and their Davy Crockett-inspired "volunteer" flag-bearer) late in the 41-14 Georgia rout.

The normally rambunctious Volunteer fans were unusually subdued during the debacle. I'm not going to lie; that was very satisfying. But the best part was that the UT band only played "Rocky Top" 7 times during the game, establishing what must be a new all-time low.

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The single greatest comic book page ever published:

Seems that Stallone's Rocky was in talks to join Sgt. Slaughter and William "Refrigerator" Perry as a Joe in 1987, but negotiations fell through, leading to the publication of the above totally-awesome page in 1986's G.I. Joe: Order of Battle comic book. Details can be found here and here.

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Every comics blog has mentioned it. ABC, CBS, CNN, and Fox consider it newsworthy. Highbrow magazines such as The Atlantic Monthly have devoted column space to it. Even The Times of India has reported the story that Archie Andrews is planning a wedding. The Toronto Globe and Mail has told me that where I stand on the Betty vs. Veronica debate describes my political proclivities. And, of course, wedding planning sites such as weddingbells.ca and onewed.com are very excited. Me? Not so much.

This smells to me of a sales gimmick. Not that Archie really needs one. His Double Digest sells well enough in toy stores, drug stores checkout aisles, and direct mailings to sit alongside X-Men comic books sold in more distinguished "direct market" outlets. Archie has, for the 68 years of his existence, played the roll of empty-headed teenager perpetually enrolled at Riverdale High. His biggest problems have always been which flavor malted to buy and how high to cuff his jeans. That's his niche, and it's why reader flock to his stories.

Marriage would mean a whole new paradigm for Archie: supporting a family, fretting about house payments, and struggling with his golf game. Change of this nature is not the sort of thing that the Archie audience (or the American audience, for that matter) typically wants when they tune in for fun and frolicking high school stories. Personally, I can think of only one instance where a a long-running, fitful courtship/love triangle has sorted itself out and maintained audience interest: Superman and Lois Lane.

Superman and Lois Lane were married in 1997 following 60 years of courtship. Superman's problems have always been more mature than Archie's: saving Metropolis from organized crime, preventing volcanic eruptions from obliterating villages, and traveling through time to repair the course of history are not even in the same class as remembering to keep your fly zipped after a bathroom break during the spring formal. Marriage is exactly the sort of real-world danger that confronts a Superman but is avoided by an Archie. If a man who can trim the hedges with heat-vision, listen to how his wife's day went from 20 miles away, and bring an entire milking factory home on his way home from the office still has a hard time keeping his rocky relationship with his wife afloat, what hope does Archie have?

Archie has more in common with Spider-Man than Superman, and Spidey's marriage to Mary Jane Watson was such a dead-end for stories that Marvel spent decades trying to separate the two, eventually resolving the problem by having the Devil annul their marriage. Could Archie end up one day performing satanic rituals to undo the terrible decision he's made? Could be. Stranger things have happened.

[Sorry for the delay on this post. Internet was down. Again. It's a very inasupicious beginning for Superman Month.]

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