Reset the numbers! Grab a Coke! Here are quick reviews of the movies watched by me for the first time in 2026, part one of many:

1/2571. The Pirate (1948)
You just know from the moment that Gene Kelly's arrogant actor is introduced that this film is going to struggle landing its complicated love triangle, but it does all right for itself, specifically because the Nicholas Brothers show up at the climax to do a great dance routine and make you forget about the silly melodrama. Those guys could dance.

2/2572. Spinal Tap II: The End Continues (2025)
Inferior in most ways to the original, but everyone involved seems to know it'd be foolish to try to top a classic and instead trusts the audience to be satisfied enough with hanging out once again with old friends. I was. (Bonus points for surprise performance by a Beatle!) Thanks for all the laughs, Rob Reiner.

3/2573. The Bad Guys (2022)
Perhaps I've played too many role-playing games and watched too many heist movies, but I don't think a movie could be any more predictable in structure. To its credit, the target audience is children, and invention isn't really the point here so much as fun visual style and the chummy camaraderie of the voice actors.

4/2574. Too Many Husbands (1940)
What a mess! This farce was later remade as My Favorite Wife which handles the material somewhat better by swapping the genders, prolonging the secret, and adding children. In fact, go watch that one. It's just better all around.

5/2575. The In-Laws (1979)
Generally speaking, I do not find Alan Arkin's trademark "comedically" exasperated film persona funny, and that held true for most of this movie as well. But the scenes in the diner and on the airfield really landed with me.

Parallel to the road? Hmm. What an odd place for a billboard.

More to come.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: coke movies

Today's hot take: despite what Kellogg's says in their current commercials, milk should not be "ice cold."

"Ice" is a fancy word (from Old English) for frozen water (32°F or colder, although the Old English preferred to measure temperature by testing whether water was solid enough to support their cans of furniture polish). Milk is mostly water, freezing at about 31°F, so there's not a lot of wiggle room between ice cold milk and frozen milk. And frozen milk is lousy (as the Old English can attest; back in their day, frozen milk meant frozen cows). There's a reason no one puts ice cubes in their Rice Krispies. In addition to being too crunchy, they're also too quiet. (No mooing.)

I like milk probably twice as much as the next guy, and yes, of course milk should be stored and served cold, but modern refrigerators are good enough for the job without additional solid-water support. Ice wagons went out of fashion with the Old English.

Which raises the question of what ice has to do with any part of breakfast? Neither bacon, sausage, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, potatoes, and tea (the traditional English Breakfast) nor porridge and leftovers (the Old English breakfast) are tastier if cold. And no American wants their pancakes, waffles, oatmeal or coffee served cold, much less ice cold. If you ask me, there shouldn't even be ice in a cup of juice. Especially orange juice. Only a monster would put ice in their orange juice.

Maybe the best solution is if everyone could agree from now on to hold all the "ice." If it only manages to make any situation worse, what good is it? If you want to eat a lousy breakfast, that's your prerogative, but keep the "ice" to yourself, you assholes.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: food rant

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic strip havanese strip poodle strip

Mom shares her New York Times digital subscription with me, so I assumed that was why the algorithm thought I could use an ad linking me to this:

While my appreciation for spandex is well documented, what struck me about this particular advertisement was the obvious modesty-preserving panty liner the model was using. That crotch bulge seems so familiar....

Oh, right. It's how Dan Jurgens draws male superhero crotches.

Superman #123 limited edition "Glow-in-the-Dark" variant, May 1997

Maybe that ad was targeting me after all.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: advertising comic books family mom spandex superman walter

Here at Wriphe.com, I don't actually keep track of every movie I watch, just new-to-me movies. I also frequently rewatch old-to-me movies, and sometimes I spot the Pause that Refreshes. These are some of those I spotted in the past year (in chronological order of release):

Bye Bye Birdie (1963)

A Hard Day's Night (1964)

The Sting (1973)

Ghostbusters (1984)

Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985)

Waiting for Guffman (1996)

Zoolander (2001)

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

Yes, I know that's not a great screenshot of the original black Coke Zero can, especially considering that the product gets a better showcase when Scott intentionally overturns the Coke Zero that Gideon Graves offers him at the Chaos Theater. However, that black can really didn't photograph well in the dim light of the club. So this is what you get. But by all means, go watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World to see if you think I made the right choice. I love that film, and so should you.

As always, a complete archive of my Coca-Cola movie screenshots can be found here.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: coke movies

Every day we awaken to find that the world isn't even the place it was the night before. Predictably, that constant instability has led to fear, fear to anger, anger to hate, and hate to suffering. The goal should be to try to curtail that path, not accelerate it. Any man can only take so much injustice, cruelty, and bad taste before hopelessness wins.

Which is why I'm demanding that Kroger return to its previous recipe for Bread and Butter Chips.

Back in the good old days, the ingredients were listed as "Fresh cucumbers, sugar, water, vinegar, and less than 2% of: salt, spices (including mustard and celery seed), calcium chloride, turmeric extract (color), gum arabic, natural flavors." The result: deliciousness!

But now? Kroger pickles have become a "Product of Vietnam" with ingredients "Cucumbers, sugar, water, vinegar, salt, mustard seeds, celery seeds, gum arabic, natural flavor, turmeric oleoresin (for color)." Those may look like small changes (just 3% more salt and 2% more sugar), presumably to keep the price down, but they translate to soggier, sweeter, inferior pickles. Blech. I'll never underestimate the value of calcium chloride again.

If I have to watch as the United States sides with corporations, racists, and the enablers of pedophiles over the welfare of its own citizens; disavows medical and climate science; scuttles the global economy; turns its back on former allies Europe and NATO; solicits bribes from criminals and tyrants around the globe; murders people in international waters and its own streets; and bullies media conglomerates, law firms, and astronauts to deny its immoral behavior — you know, all the things 78 million American people voted for in 2024 — then at the very least I should be able to enjoy my favorite pickles as the legacy of the America I used to know crumbles around me. If you can't find joy in the little things, what's left?

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: food fuck you america