Happy birthday to me! Look, I'm not saying 51 is old, but this past Saturday I wore a cotton sock slightly sideways inside my sneaker and the toe seam left a bruise on my foot that would make you think I dropped a safe on it. A cotton sock was tougher than my foot. That never happened when I was 49.

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I had vowed to myself that I was not going to mention the Miami Dolphins again during the 2026 season, but ESPN quotes Miami Dolphins linebacker Jordyn Brooks saying "Miami has the 'right guys' in the locker room and things will not 'unravel' as the season progresses," and I cannot let that go. I just don't know what that's supposed to mean.

Does having the "right guys" mean the NFL's cheapest active roster is the one the General Manager wanted? Maybe you haven't realized it yet, Jordyn, because you're the third highest paid player in the locker room, but if management gets its way, they're just going to replace most of those "right guys" with different, more expensive guys who are actually competent at football. Why, with a little luck, in just a few more seasons the Dolphins might actually be back to a roster capable of winning 8 games a season again. That'll be cool.

Does "not unraveling" mean the players will maintain level heads as they "compete" to lose every game? Sure, the team is only two games into the season, but they already have a pretty good grip on the second worst for/against points differential in the NFL (behind only the Atlanta Falcons, who literally have no starting quarterback) with no evidence they even want to improve. There's already ample evidence the coaching staff is calling plays to ensure the other team wins, a strategy traditionally called "tanking."

(To be fair to the coaches, this intentionally losing strategy is likely mandated from the top of the organization. Owner Stephen Ross has a well-documented history of meddling to ensure his team has the worst possible performance. I wish I was kidding about that.)

Anyway. I will redouble my efforts to ignore the Dolphins until such time as they are once again worth watching. At the current rate of "progress," that should be sometime in the 2030s.

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Today is the official "Batman Day" as declared by DC Comics, whose press release encourages you to celebrate by buying their newest Batman comic, Batman of Two Worlds, for the surprisingly reasonable price of $2.99. That's not bad for 2026. I mean, these days $3 will barely buy you a half gallon of gas (or half a copy of any monthly issue of Detective Comics). Take what you can get, Bat fans.

Here at Wriphe.com, we will celebrate with the best One Word Wonder in television history:

Batman

Whap! Biff! Oooof! Take that, Matlock.

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WALTER: "What do you call it when you feel like everything sucks and maybe being alive isn't worth it anymore?"

MOTHER: "Normal."

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92/2662. Gambling on the High Seas (1940)
A newspaper reporter helps police capture a gangster running a crooked gambling den in international waters. It's a relatively shallow and straightforward gangster drama, but sometimes that's what you're in the mood for.

93/2663. The Sheep Detectives (2026)
I loved this. I mean, really loved it. The elevator pitch "Babe meets Knives Out" accurately describes it, but the characters really are all a delight to spend time with. Highly recommended (although Dad thought it was too cutsey, so you have been warned).

94/2664. Beat the Devil (1953)
Bogart plays one of a several anti-hero (or downright evil) opportunists planning to make a fortune in African uranium in this adventure story. This qualifies as a "dark comedy" by modern standards, though I would prefer the more honest descriptor "ironically subversive." Personally, I find "dark comedies" are almost always traditional tragedies which the filmmaker intends audience to laugh at instead of sympathize with, and I don't think that ever applies to Bogey.

96/2666. Day of the Evil Gun (1968)
Speaking of ironically subversive: this western is almost a direct attack on the philosophy of The Searchers. The title is actually a literal description of the seductive power of the killing machine that turns men into animals. IMDB labels this a "classical western," but I think it's every bit as revisionist as the greatest western ever made: Eastwood's The Unforgiven.

97/2667. Bang My Box: The Robin Byrd Story (2026)
A documentary about the charming host of a NYC public access television show. Smut or infotainment? You decide!

More to come.

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