"What can I blog about today?" I asked the universe. The universe gave no immediate answer, so I put The Boys in the Jeep to make our regular daily visit to Dad and The Girls.

As I paused at the stop sign at the entrance of their neighborhood, to my great surprise, Dad's dingy white cargo van came into view. Only it was coming from the wrong end of the street and was totally unable to maintain a lane, slamming its passenger mirror into a mailbox before swerving past me and continuing back the way I had come up the busy road into town. I turned around and followed the van, contemplating my best course of action to resolve this situation without anyone getting hurt. Fortunately us all, Dad seemed to wise up and pulled the van to a stop on an unmarked gravel driveway. "What are you doing?" I asked when I reached his door. "I don't remember," he answered. The Girls just wagged their tails.

I called my aunt who lives down the street, and she arrived to help me transport Dad, The Girls, and The Boys back to his house, where I sorted out Dad's handful of daily medicines (which he hasn't been taking reliably since last Saturday) and ordered him to bed to resolve this latest bout of parasomnia that sometimes accompanies mistakes with his anxiety, kidney, and heart pills. Then my aunt and I went back to recover the cargo van. Barely had I turned the engine over when I was engulfed in the flashing blue lights of the county sheriff's department and a United States Marshal.

"What can I do for you?" I asked when the Marshal reached my door. He answered, "You can tell me what a stranger in a windowless white van is doing on my private property." Dad couldn't have known, right?

I relate this story only as a public service announcement: Never ask the universe for some entertainment. The universe has a very sick sense of humor.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: dad dear diary family kelley walter

I'm dogsitting two young poodles who have a very different idea than I do about when bedtime and breakfast should be. Who will win this battle of wills? I will, but maybe only because I'll eventually be too tired to wake up and let them out.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: dogs

80/2650. Central Park (1932)
You could call this a run of the mill "slice of life" film focused on the people who cross paths in New York's Central Park, assuming your mill was populated by insane murderers, runaway tigers, beauty queen con artists, and the mob. TV Tropes reports this contains one of the earliest examples of "Retirony." In this case, poor cop Charlie is just one week away from his pension when... well, I did mention the insane murderers and the mob, right?

81/2651. Brass Target (1978)
An alternate history conspiracy movie that dares to ask the question: What if the auto accident that killed George Patton was orchestrated by disloyal army officers trying to cover up a gold heist? The answer involves a gun that fires broken machine parts. Don't go giving people ideas, Hollywood!

82/2652. Colossal (2016)
I didn't finish it. I watched as much as I could of Anne Hathaway "acting" like a self-destructive idiot until her friend group of self-destructive losers doubled down and I couldn't take it anymore. I read an online plot summary, and I got out while the getting out was still good.

83/2653. The Street Fighter (1974)
"Street fighter" Terry Sugury is established as a true asshole mercenary who kills clients who don't pay and sells women into the sex trade but draws the line at working a Yakuza assassination, instead vowing to defend the intended victim. She is kidnapped and he is nearly beaten to death in an attempted rescue. The climactic battle takes place on a boat in a rainstorm, and it is epic. Great grindhouse cinema.

Drink up, Terry.

84/2654. Return of the Street Fighter (1974)
"Street fighter" Terry Tsurugi — he's in three different movies in one year, and all three spell it differently — is up to his old tricks crushing the vocal cords of would-be mob informants until the yakuza decides he is the bigger danger and tries to have him killed. It's not as good as the first but is still plenty of fun thanks to its ridiculously over-the-top violence and gore.

Hide from the cops, Terry.

(I previously covered the ridiculous third Street Fighter movie here. There's no Coke in that one.)

More to come.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: coke movies

FYI: My power was out again yesterday.

Lights went out just after 5PM and came on again around 7PM, so it wasn't the longest outage, it just came at a bad time on one of the hottest days of the year. And, of course, it was the second outage in eight days.

What caused it? No idea. I drove around the neighborhood and saw no sign. Did someone cut down a tree? Georgia Power's notification said it was caused by "storm damage." On a cloudless, sunny day. With no wind. Sure, okay. Maybe lingering from last week, I guess.

It's hard to pretend we aren't living in end times when I'm starting to master the art of kerosene lamp maintenance.

UPDATE 4:40PM: My power is out again today!

Two days in a row, three outages in nine days. And counting. At least this time a thunderstorm really did pass through, so now's the time for yesterday's excuse, (increasingly misnamed) Georgia Power.

If the housing market wasn't so fucked up, we'd start looking for a new house. I'm so mad, I'm ready to start voting for some Democratic Socialists!

UPDATE 7:10PM: Estimated time of restoration is 9PM. I just took the boys for a walk around the neighborhood (better than sitting in my 80° house, I figured) and there are limbs down everywhere. So you get a pass this time, Georgia Power. There's nothing you can do against Mother Nature (except maybe proactively cut down more limbs or bury power lines or cut back on your fossil fuel plants). Nothing.

UPDATE 2:56AM: Power! (Just thought you'd like some closure.)

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: fight the power georgia

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: comic strip poodle strip

I know they tell me I shouldn't be worried about invasive Joro spiders here in Georgia, but is no one else concerned that they spin one of the the strongest webs in the world and multiple Joro spiders hang out in the same web? Foreign gangs with nets hanging around just outside my garage? Between this and the rise of AI, I'm definitely not enjoying living in the future as much as I thought I would.

UPDATE: The morning after I posted this, I opened the back door to discover that a Joro spider had spun a giant web covering the doorway. He was just waiting for me to step out.... Is it still called paranoia if they really are out to get you?

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: computer hacking spiders georgia